


If Merlin's Into It

by Remianly



Series: Flight of the Conchords Song Parodies [2]
Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin/Arthur - Fandom
Genre: Bremaine (Flight of the Conchords), Bret (Flight of the Conchords), Crack Crossover, Dialogue-Only, Friendship/Love, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Jemaine (Flight of the Conchords), Love Confessions, Love Song, Lyric rewrite, M/M, Pining Arthur, Song Lyrics, Song Parody, Song rewrite, Uncomfortable Merlin, Wordcount: 500-1.000, flight of the conchords - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-01 08:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15139382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remianly/pseuds/Remianly
Summary: Arthur realizes he's in love with Merlin and wishes to convey his feelings. He asks Gwaine for advice to help him in writing a love song.





	If Merlin's Into It

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [If You're Into It](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/394403) by Flight of the Conchords. 



> PLEASE READ THIS WHILE LISTENING TO THE AUDIO in the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTBP1cBZ6Gs  
> It's a much better experience.
> 
> A/N: Thank you all of my 300+ kudos people!! I'm happily suffocating in love! Sorry I'm posting less now, but it's July 4th, so it's getting quite busy. I'm definitely still alive though!

**ARTHUR**  
Hey, Gwaine, I've written this love song for Merlin.

 **GWAINE**  
Oh yeah?

 **ARTHUR**  
Would you be able to have a listen? Give me a bit of feedback?

 **GWAINE**  
Yeah.

_[Arthur strums lute]_

It's good, it's good.

 **ARTHUR**  
I'd climb the highest mountain,  
I'd swim the deepest ocean,  
I'd walk along the longest path,  
To be with you,  
If you want me to,

_[1 hour later]_

I'd solve the hardest puzzle,  
And read the boringest book,  
I'd hold the hottest substance,

_[Another hour later]_

Solve the hardest puzzle,  
And race the fastest animal,  
Eat the biggest meal,  
To be with you, Mer- _lin_.

**GWAINE**  
It's a bit long...

 **ARTHUR**  
Okay...

 **GWAINE**  
It's two hours long...

 **ARTHUR**  
Yeah... Anything else?

 **GWAINE**  
Um, yeah.

_[Grabs parchment with lyrics from Arthur]_

Let's see...

_[Flips through endless pages]_

Okay...

_[Clears throat]_

Okay. "I'd climb the highest mountain..." Would you actually do that?

 **ARTHUR**  
Probably not.

 **GWAINE**  
Well, you're sort of promising that you would.

 **ARTHUR**  
That's a metaphor.

 **GWAINE**  
Oh, is it? Oh okay...

 **ARTHUR**  
Yeah.

 **GWAINE**  
...What's it a metaphor for?

 **ARTHUR**  
For... that I'd do anything for him.

 **GWAINE**  
....Would you climb the highest mountain for him?

**ARTHUR**  
Oh God. I see... No. Pass me that? No, I wouldn't do a lot of this stuff.

 **GWAINE**  
Would you... swallow a whole sword?

 **ARTHUR**  
A sword... Okay, I probably wouldn't do that one either.

 **GWAINE**  
Yeah, maybe you should make it more realistic things you'd do, some other things.

 **ARTHUR**  
Like what?

 **GWAINE**  
Uh... "I would hang out with you." 

 **ARTHUR**  
Oh, that's good. That's really-

 **GWAINE**  
That's not bad. That's a lyric... of mine. You can use that.

 **ARTHUR**  
Just "hang out with you."

 **GWAINE**  
What about making it more personal? Things about him that... what do you know that's specific to Merlin?

 **ARTHUR**  
He has a rash that he doesn't tell anyone about.

**GWAINE**  
...What- what else?

 **ARTHUR**  
He likes food.

 **GWAINE**  
Yeah, okay...

 **ARTHUR**  
His best mate is called Will.

 **GWAINE**  
Yeah... This is all good stuff...

* * *

****

**ARTHUR**  
Um, actually, I've- I've written you a song, Merlin.

 **MERLIN**  
Really...?

 **ARTHUR**  
Well, Gwaine helped. It's called "If You're Into It."

 **MERLIN**  
Okay...

_[Arthur starts strumming lute]_

**ARTHUR**  
If you want me to,  
I can hang 'round with you,  
If I only knew  
That's what you're into.

**GWAINE**  
You and him,  
him and you,  
If that's what  
you're into,  
Him hangin' 'round  
around you,  
You're hangin' 'round,  
yeah, you're there too.

 

**ARTHUR**  
And if you want me to,  
I will take off all my clothes for you,  
I'll take off all my clothes for you,  
If that's what you're into.

**GWAINE**  
How 'bout him  
in the nude?  
If that's what  
you're into,  
In the nude  
in front of you,  
Is that what you'd want to view?

_[Gwaine starts playing back up spinet (mini-medieval piano)]_

**ARTHUR**  
If it's cool with you,  
I'll let you get naked too,  
It could be a dream come true,  
Providing that's what you are into.

**GWAINE**  
Is that what  
you're into?  
Him and you  
in the nude,  
That's what he's prepared to do,  
Is that the kind of thing that you think you might be into?

**ARTHUR**  
And then maybe later,  
We'll get hot by the food storage cellars,  
In the kitchen next to the pantry,  
You think that might be what you fancy?

**GWAINE**  
In the buff,  
bein' rude,  
Doin' stuff  
with the food,  
Gettin' lewd  
with his food,  
We heard that's what you are into.

**ARTHUR**  
And then on our next date,  
Well, you could bring your best mate,  
I don't know if Will is keen to,  
But if you want, we could double team you.

**GWAINE**  
How 'bout you  
and two dudes?  
Him, you, and Will  
in the nude,  
Bein' lewd  
with two dudes for food,  
Well, that's if Will's into it too.

**ARTHUR**  
All the things I'd do,  
The things I'd do for you,  
If I only knew,  
That's what you're into.

**MERLIN**  
Okay...

**Author's Note:**

> Arthur is very willing....  
> This one was hard to decide on. I had to choose who ended up in who's roles, and this is the product.  
> Thanks for reading/listening! A kudos/comment would make my day!


End file.
